S/M
S & M or Sadomasochism: a fetish practice wherein one person's pain is another person's pleasure. To practice sadism is to derive sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on another. To be masochistic is to revel in being the hapless object of cruel affection. The pain inflicted may be physical or emotional, since verbal degradation is a part of a "normal" S & M scene. The extremes of sadomasochism include activities which may draw blood or leave scars on the submissive: painfully constricted clothing, metal piercings, whippings and floggings, even burning the flesh with cigarettes, all offer an intensely intimate exchange between the punished and the punisher. Both sadism, named for the Marquis de Sade, and masochism, named for Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, became terms associated with men who spent their lives pursuing perverse sexual exchanges. Both men ended up in insane asylums because of their persistently deviant behavior, which was compulsive and uncontrollable, with strangers and loved ones alike.
Synonyms: Degradation, Humiliation, Masochist, Pain, Sadist
See Also: Bondage, Cock Ring, Dom/Sub, Fantasy, Fetish, Leather, Spanking, Taboo
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| There is an interesting side to entering willingly into pain with your partner. What would normally be an experience to avoid (say, having your nipples tweaked hard) can become an enticing game when you give up the idea that pain is a sensation to always be avoided. If the pain is manageable (and it should be if you and your partner are in accord), you can gain a great deal of inner strength by going along with the pain, rather than fighting it or trying to escape it. Surrender into the feeling and instead of sharply pulling away (a normal response) decide to stay with the discomfort. Observe it, and re-name it if you can. Pain mixed with sexual excitement is also much more palatable than pain served up alone (unless you are a true sadomasochist), so be sure to tease some clit or rub some penis while playing with pain in your body. Spankings are a good, manageable place to start, as is nipple pinching. Be sure to use what is called a "safe" word with your partner, so that no matter what, your partner can recognize when you really are at your limit. The safe word should be easy to remember and not at all likely to be used in the moment (i.e. "No! Stop!" could be replaced with "Watermelon seeds!" or something equally silly). |
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